Harry Potter Slash? uncut
by because-chocolate-matters
Summary: What happens when your made famous by a popular book series, and then the fans decide to write certain "stories" about you? A look into the real wrold of the Hp characters and their reactions when they see how vivid fans imaginations can be. HP/SB RL


AN/ I thought i might tray and do a humor thing on Slash. Don't be turned off by the first bit, its not what you think. There is crude humor in this and there is also swearing, hope you enjoy... I also have a more reader friendly version of this for those more sensitive readers.

On a cold and windy night, where the clouds were too thick for the moonlight to break through, Remus was dashing through the f

_On a cold and windy night, where the clouds were too thick for the moonlight to break through, Remus was madly dashing through the fog to reach his destination. Meanwhile Harry's heart was pumping with love as his quick trot evolves into a gallop for his dear hearted Sirius. His long tendrils of hair fluttering about in the starry night sky and the deep pools of total hot sorrow which were his eyes. _

_Sirius, who was waiting upon his lovers' arrival, was getting anxious. Looking out from his window, surveying the horizon he could see from his isolate cabin. Becoming more desperate to be with his companion, Sirius strode back and forth from the small window to the billowing fire._

_Harry, sensing that he was close to the cabin he quickened his already lively pace. As he was closing in, he let his mind wander back to the last encounter he had with Sirius and let out a sigh as he remembered how Sirius' lips felt against his. With this thought, Harry could barely contain his excitement. He rounded a hill and entered into a field. There in the middle was the cabin with its windows warm with light._

_Harry finally reached the door, which was wrenched open from the inside. Sirius leapt out and embraced Harry with his widely spread arms. They both stumbled back into the warm cabin and threw the door shut against the cold night._

_Remus' breath came out in puffs of steam as he ran towards his love, his only. He could now see Sirius's cabin and with a jolt in his chest he ran towards it. He reached the cabin and slowed down, trying to compose himself before he entered. He wanted to be in control when he confessed his true feelings to Sirius._

_He was about to grasp the door handle when he herd abnormal shuffling from inside. Remus went to the small window, which was obscured by mist. He used the sleeve from his worn traveling coat to wipe the window. The sight that lay before him, behind the glass pane, made his heart stop. Harry and Sirius were tangled in each others arms (barely clothed) as they were passionately kissing on the floor in front of the fire._

_Remus could hardly breathe. He didn't know what to do, or to think. Not rationally thinking, he opened the door and yelled "what the fuck are you two doing!" Tears now were forming in his eyes._

_Sirius stopped dead as he (pants down) was just about to …_

"What shit is this, and who the hell wrote it?" demanded Sirius and he stared at the computer screen flabbergasted.

"See, I told you I wasn't lying when I said people have sick minds, and it says the authors name is 'hot4hp'." Exclaimed Remus. Harry beside him was nodding in agreement with Remus.

Sirius, still deeply disturbed by what he had just read said, "Seriously, I think Harry Potter fans have gone too far. Like, come on! This is some fucked up shit."

"Well if you think this is messed up, you won't after reading some of the other stories with an R rating. Let alone the XXX." Said Harry. "Just be more grateful that you haven't had worse things written about you."

"I wouldn't be to sure if I were you." Said Draco as he stepped into the room. "If you delved deep enough you would find out that people have _been_ everywhere when it comes to this kind of stuff."

"How do you know Malfoy, do you enjoy reading this kind of stuff?" asked Harry with an amused, half disturbed look on his face.

Draco, blushing slightly, explained "I was paranoid, ok. I wanted to know what kind of things people wrote about me. Don't tell me you guys haven't been at least a little interested in what fans write about you?"

"Are you fucking kidding me? Are you some sick old wanker who enjoys reading things like _this_ about yourself?" Said Sirius a little too loudly, he obviously had problems with slash.

"Well no, I just get curious about what people think about me. It's interesting to find that people actually write stories about us." Said Draco.

"No it isn't! Its sick and twisted, these people deserve to be put in jail for what they're doing! Can't we sue for defame or something?"

"Well," Harry interjects seeing his chance, "You can't actually sue these people as the sites they post them on actually have approval to write these stories, seeing as people think that we are just the imagination of a middle aged woman."

"Pffft pish posh, I can't believe that rubbish. I mean it's not like you can make everything we do up!" Sirius' eye twitches as he reads on. Only to recoil back in horror from what he read.

"Oh god! I'm not_ that _small!" Silence follows only broken by the cough of Lupin.

The four men stood there awkwardly for a moment or two. They really had no idea what to say or do about this extremely odd situation. How on earth is someone meant to react when they are made famous by a popular book series, which leads to lots of crazed fans, which then leads to those crazed fans writing porno stories about these said characters?

Draco broke the silence. "Hey look at it this way, at least people like us enough to write about us in such intimate details. Really think about, there are some poor love sick girls- or boys- out there who are obsessing over us. I think we had at least be flattered by it." He was really trying to get Sirius to relax about the whole issue.

"But still you have to admit, why on earth do they choose us? Like they either have parings with me and Sirius, Sirius and Harry or Harry and Draco. Don't even get me started with Snape!" Lupin said as he turned slightly paler.

Harry also added "That's not the worst of it, how many of those teacher student ones have you guys seen, and for some reason, people have the impression that I want to get it on with Ron" He then shuddered at the thought.

"I feel sorry for Hermione." Draco said as he looked around at the others. "Have you seen how many weird parings she is in? If fan fiction was based on real life, she would have been with (and have _done_) all of us by now."

Harry now looking a bit more disgusted said, "No seriously Malfoy, how often do you visit these websites? You know too much!"

"I …" Started Draco when Remus cut across him

"Alright, alright, lets not all get carried away. Its not like any of it _is_ real, it's just made up." He stopped and looked around at the others and then continued. "I think we should all just accept the fact that there are those lonely and sad people out there who get pleasure from writing these types of things. Don't even get me started on those people who enjoy reading them."

Each of them stopped and considered Remus's point of view. It wasn't as if the stories were true. "Look, I have to get going. I really have to finish this report I'm writing, so I'll catch you all later." Said Draco as he started to head towards the door. The other men muffled there goodbyes to him.

"Sirius, if I were you, I would just forget about it all." Reassured Remus, patting Sirius on the shoulder.

"Yeah, like I can forget about the twisted shit I had to endure talking about for the last 10 minutes. Come on, how the hell am I meant to sleep or eat ever again with out being disturbed?" demanded Sirius.

"You need to relax, your so homophobic." Said Harry. "Anyway I'm off; I'll talk to you latter." With that Harry left Sirius and Remus in the room.

Sirius looked at Remus and Remus looked at Sirius. They both shuddered and followed Harry's lead, and exited the room.

...

It was half past twelve in the middle of the night. Harry was awoken by the sound of vigorous tapping, kind of like typing on a key board. Rubbing his eyes, he slowly ascended from his bed. The noise was really irritating him since it woke him up. Harry wondered down the hall from his bedroom, in search of where this noise was coming from.

He came to Draco's door and…

It was half past midnight when Draco thought that it was finally safe. He went to his computer and sat down. Logging on to his account on the fiction website with his user name 'hot4hp', he said "Yes! They accepted my Snape and Sirius one shot." Feeling quite happy with himself he turned around to head towards his bed; however he stopped dead in his tracks.

Harry, mouth literally on the floor, was standing at Draco's door. His eyes were fixed on the computer screen.

AN/ Wow, did you see that coming? You probally did, tell me what you thought, and your all probably wondering why Harry lived with Draco, its a silly story which doesnt have to make too much sense. Review!!


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